That line is from the new Alice Cooper disc, Along Came a Spider. So far, after a couple listens, I’d say it’s a solid return to form, a very creepy and catchy concept album about a serial killer. Musically, it’s got an old-school feel with some modern rock touches. And of course that trademark black humour remains intact. The notes on the press copy describe it as, “the soundtrack to a yet unmade horror film.” So far “Wrapped in Silk” and “I Am the Spider” are my faves.

Wanna check it out? The whole album is posted on Alice’s Myspace page, here.

You’re looking at an excessively scruffy but very happy me holding up one of five hand-painted (on canvas) posters for Hell’s Ground (a.k.a. Zibahkhana). Director Omar Khan sent it my way from Islamabad as a thanks for the CineMacabre screening of the movie (which drew a huge crowd) and the feature we did in the mag (issue # 79). It’s definitely the greatest thing I’ve scored from the mailman, and I can’t wait to frame it.

I wanted to know more about the poster, so I asked Omar a few questions. He told me the following about who makes these posters and if it’s regular thing in Pakistan.

This kind of hand painted artwork has all but died out in Pakistan and India and I am doing my utmost to keep it from going extinct altogether. Only five were painted up so far by one of the poverty stricken artists from Karachi who have NO work at all and no income to feed their families. I have taken it upon myself to try to support these guys and this wonderful local art form that has been neglected as low brow and unworthy of any attention and has thus died out. A tragedy, in my opinion.

I also inquired as to how the film was being received in Pakistan.

I am in Delhi at the moment where the Zibahkhana was screened to rapturous, delirious and a totally crazy response, just as it was meant to be. It was a total sellout and has created much more of a buzz than many of the pseudo intellectual clap-trap oriented films that so dominate the International Festival circuit.

Finally, I told him to keep in touch and drop us a line about his next film. Here’s the low down.

I gingerly announced the next project which is titled Jhabarjhilla and is basically set in a sadistic hell hole all women’s lesbo-prison where our hapless inmates from different backgrounds come together to escape, but what they escape to is another realm of horror altogether! I can promise you raving fanatics and a mythical hairy monster, as well as the wonders of an all female prison! I expect to be exiled shortly… or worse!

Wow, sounds awesome! Hell’s Ground is loads of fun, so I can’t wait to see what subversive mayhem Omar comes up with next.

Thanks for the poster, Omar, and thank you to the artist for for the fantastic work. I hope the tradition lives on, because it’s the coolest thing since sliced naan.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Those vile vixen-lovers over at Vagrancy are really digging for sticky gold with this Friday’s screening of Ilsa the Tigress. Don’t miss this rare opportunity to see the Canuxploitation entry in the Ilsa series (the inspiration for Rob Zombie’s Grindhouse trailer, by the way) — 9:30pm, at the Revue Cinema. If you were at the last Vagrancy screening, of Zombie, you know how much goony fun these Vagrancy shindigs can be.

A friend (thanks, Alex!) forwarded this link to gossip monkey Perez Hilton’s website. He’s reporting on a petition to have Tara Reid banned from appearing in Platinum Dunes’ remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. Hilariously, this is in response to a previous petition to have her on the project, after she was taken off of it. Or something.

The point is, WHO GIVES A FUCK?

I hate celebrity gossip bullshit, but I hate even more that people will invest time and effort into this sort of thing when the real world, the one outside of shitty Hollywood movies, is falling apart. It makes horror fans look like morons.

Anyhow, the only reason to mention this sort of thing is that I have this fantasy where an alien race (or Cylon collective) watches us, waiting for the moment they’ve had enough of our shenanigans and decide to exterminate us. Now is clearly that time.

Nightmare on Elm Street remake? Tara Reid? Tara Reid petitions?

Bring on the fucking nukes.

Good news today for those of you wondering what was going to happen to the DVD titles that Tartan films holds/held, seeing as the company has fallen on financial hard times as of late. Anyhow, below is a press release I received today explaining the fate of its movies, including Battle Royale and Oldboy. Hopefully Palisades will put out Taxidermia, one of the best Tartan titles that I’ve been dying to see get a DVD release.

PALISADES MEDIA CORP ACQUIRES THE MAJORITY OF TARTAN FILMS’ UK LIBRARY ASSETS

Los Angeles, July 8, 2008 — Fans of Tartan Films’ unique brand of entertainment can take comfort in knowing that the quality films they have come to know and love will continue to be released. Not long after purchasing Tartan’s US library of world-renowned and often controversial feature-length independent films, Palisades Media now owns the majority of the illustrious parent company’s film library assets as well, as was announced today by Palisades co-manager Kevin Burns.

Established over a quarter of a century ago in the UK, Tartan Films and Video was the longest-running and leading independent UK DVD & Blu-ray distributor in the world. Known for its diverse range of intelligent and cutting-edge films, Tartan’s critical and commercial successes included BLACK BOOK, FAST FOOD NATION, THE DEATH OF MR. LAZARESCU, THE PROPOSITION, SECRETARY, MYSTERIOUS SKIN, and many more. The library also features Tartan’s “Asia Extreme©” line of horror films, some of the best and most twisted cinema from the Far East, including such cult favorites as the 2004 Cannes Grand Jury Prize Winner OLDBOY and Kinji Fukasaku’s incomparable BATTLE ROYALE.

“There’s no denying Hamish McAlpine (former owner of Tartan Films) had a brilliant eye for cinema. He amassed and distributed an extraordinary amount of thought-provoking and avant-garde films in three continents no less, and exposed audiences world-wide to some really remarkable and astonishing work,” said Burns. “We are thrilled to own the rights to the majority of both Tartan libraries and look forward to giving these films the kind of treatment they deserve and the attention that fans of independent cinema will truly appreciate.”

Palisades hopes to start releasing new titles this winter in the US beginning with a host of Asia Extreme titles. The next month will feature a diverse slate of independent films. Boxsets, 2-packs and blu-rays are also in the works. All upcoming UK releases are still TBD.

ABOUT PALISADES PICTURES

Palisades Pictures was founded more then a decade ago as a production and film finishing-funds company with the mission to empower, both financially and creatively, independent distributors and filmmakers to reach the widest possible audience with their films. In 2002, under the guidance of Vincent Roberti, Palisades Pictures financed its first theatrical P&A campaign for MORVERN CALLAR. Since being named Chairman and Chief Executive Officer in 2003, Mr. Roberti transformed Palisades Pictures’ focus to Print & Advertising financing. From film studios (THINKFilms, Magnolia Pictures, First Look and Wellspring) to cable channels (HBO / Cinemax TV and The Sundance Channel), Palisades has quickly amassed a vast and impressive list of entertainment clientele. Notable films include TEN BENNY and RESTAURANT, both starring Adrien Brody prior to his Academy Award-winning performance in THE PIANIST; the powerful drama CHRYSTAL, starring Billy Bob Thornton; and SCHIZO, a stark and powerfully moving coming-of-age tale set in Kazakhstan.

Well, his name’s actually Rick, but he’s about as punk rock as it gets when it comes to body modification.  The Montreal man is in the process of getting his entire body tattooed to make him look like a zombie, and, as he explains in an interview with Bizarre magazine, he’s even considering having parts of himself removed to complete the process. Yep, the guy’s got guts - BUH-DUM-BUMP!

Read the interview and and see a whack of photos here

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So the good dudes at Revolver Magazine asked me to be their guest blogger and do up a tutorial on a recent illustration I created for their August 2008 issue. Have a look!

Scientists prepare to smash down some atoms, inevitably ushering in the end of mankind.

Haven’t these fools read The Mist or The Rising?!?

If we hope to pull through this, I’d better get to work on my Lovecraftian Zombie-Smasher (patent pending) ASAP!

According to this article about morbid thoughts leading to cookie consumption, yes.

It states: “Thinking about your own death can make you reach for the cookie jar, with an international study finding that morbid thoughts tend to whet the appetite.”

Here is some disturbing video evidence. In it Cookie Monster is gorging himself somewhere in a black void. And you know what else “C” stands for? Cry for help, that’s what.