Rob Zombie’s Halloween Condensed

I just discovered (via Cracked.com) a fun website called The Editing Room, where the painfully concise and witty Rod Hilton writes condensed and wonderfully acerbic versions of Hollywood screenplays. For example, he efficiently cuts to the heart of Rob Zombie’s Halloween.

A choice excerpt:

DAEG is taken to an INSANE ASYLUM where MALCOLM MCDOWELL interviews him.

DAEG FAERCH

Why do I have to stay here all the time?

MALCOLM MCDOWELL

Because Rob Zombie seems to think that devoting half the movie to justifying your behavior will actually convince the audience that you’re a misunderstood hero rather than an evil villain.

DAEG FAERCH

I need to get out of this place, doctor.

MALCOLM MCDOWELL

Why, because you’re only becoming more insane and detached from reality?

DAEG FAERCH

What? No, have you seen my masks? I’m auditioning to be in Slipknot and I don’t want to be late.

[I think you could also go with: What? No, I’m just running out of wall space for all these obvious papier mâchè metaphors.]

Read Rod’s whole rewrite here.

(I swiped the still from Bloody Disgusting, by the way)