Treat yourself to some CANNIBAL CHRISTMAS TREATS courtesy of our regular HOMICIDAL HOMEMAKER columnist. In addition to the crunchy White Chocolate Caramel Pretzel Fingers (see recipe in RM#179), she’s presenting original recipes for melt-in-your-mouth Cinnamon-Almond Cream Cheese Ears, and chewy Fresh Meat Red Velvet Rice Krispy Treats. So put a morbid, cannibalistic twist on some classic holiday treats, that are sure to both disgust and delight your guests!

All of these recipes are quick and easy to prepare, can be made ahead of time, and use inexpensive ingredients. And best of all, they require no baking, so you can have more time to enjoy the holidays with your friends and family. 
And if you have little ones in your household, just imagine how much fun they’ll have creating a plate of severed human body parts to leave out for Santa Claus!

CINNAMON-ALMOND CREAM CHEESE EARS 

● 3 oz softened cream cheese
● 3 Cups powdered sugar
● ½ teaspoon almond extract
● ⅛ teaspoon ground cinnamon
● Orange or peach food coloring gel

Using an electric mixer, blend together the cream cheese, almond extract, cinnamon, and food coloring. Gradually mix in the powdered sugar until completely blended. Shape into ears, or, press the mixture into an ear-shaped candy mold that’s been dusted with powdered sugar. 

FRESH MEAT RED VELVET RICE KRISPY TREATS 

● 3.5 to 4 Cups of Cocoa Krispies or Rice Krispies cereal
● 1 1/2 Cups mini marshmallows
● 1/2 Cup dry Red Velvet Cake Mix
● 1/4 Cup of butter
● 1 teaspoon of Lorann Red Velvet Emulsion (or vanilla extract + a few drops of red food coloring)

Melt the butter in a large sauce pan over low heat. Add the marshmallows; stir until melted and well combined. Cook 2 minutes longer, stirring constantly so the mixture doesn’t scorch. Remove from heat, and stir in 1 teaspoon of Red Velvet Emulsion (or vanilla extract + a drop of red food coloring) and mix well. Gradually stir in the 1/2 Cup of dry Red Velvet Cake Mix. 

Add in the Rice Krispies cereal and mix until combined – start with 3 Cups and only add as much as you need. Around 3.5 Cups seems to be the perfect amount, but depending on the brand of marshmallows, you could need more or less.

Using greased hands, shape the mixture into individual pieces of ‘raw meat’, or serve on a styrofoam tray covered with plastic wrap.

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Season’s grievings!